My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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