Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
