her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
