I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
