you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
