Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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