Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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