but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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