Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just google imaged poop.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
