Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
