My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
