My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
