and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
