I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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