I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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