The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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