# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
