Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
