and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize