How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
