OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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