I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
