Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
