i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
