the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
