I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
