literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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