And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
