But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
