I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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