Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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