i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
