I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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