textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize