Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
