I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
