I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
