broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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