i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
