How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
