im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
