My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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