So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
