Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i came on her dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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