Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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