Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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