I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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