my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
