elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
