you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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