He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
