hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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