Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
