Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
