I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
