You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
