dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
