I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
