Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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