You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
