tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
