Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
